1. I need to get myself a new car. I am absolutely claustrophobic with my inability to leave the house of my own accord and go anywhere I want. I am hopelessly dependent upon transportation, or maybe just freedom. The money that I got from my beloved Otto the Auto was a lot more than I had expected to receive, so I have more leeway when it comes to choosing a vehicle, but I just don't know what I want to do. I guess I'll probably just get something basic, something similar to what I had before, so that I am neither making a serious investment nor spending more money than I am able to spend. Hmm, time to think and shop around!
2. I like confetti cake. For my birthday this year, I want to have some. I want to do something fun for my birthday because this is going to be quite a depressing birthday for me. Last year was bad enough, but this one is even worse, and I'm afraid it's only downhill from here. I feel hopelessly old lately. People keep telling me I'm crazy for thinking of myself as old, but maybe they don't understand. It's not like I am feeling like I'm slipping into the grave, but I definitely am in the weird, entrapping gap between childhood and adulthood, yet I feel like there is some required step between the two, some decision I should make, something...but what? I feel unprepared for this, and I don't even know what I'm supposed to do now. I guess this segues naturally into another thing that's on my mind...
3. I'm not ready to be done with adventures. I kind of want to live that college-like lifestyle again, and this time I want to get a house or something with a group of people. Sure, I may be miserable in that lifestyle, but I am dying to do it. Marriage is no longer in my foreseeable future, so I feel like I need to take the opportunity to do what I want now. I have always wanted to be a kid forever, and I don't see any reason why I have to settle down to so-called mature responsibility. I can hold down my jobs, and I can afford to live and own a car, so I find it reasonable to let go of responsibility in some other areas. I already do this, I know, but I sometimes feel like I am walking on eggshells around adventure, like I can dream about it but I dare not jump in. Someone needs to just push me right in and take the ladder out of the water. I need more spontaneity in my life...I sure have plenty in my head and it goes to waste in there.
4. I want to have a graffiti wall in my room of art, writing, and inspiration. I want to paint the wall whenever I feel like and decorate it with whatever I feel like...
5. I love my students! I love being a teacher! It's not the only thing I want to do, but at least I can say I do love this one thing :) It is exciting to never know what they are going to do or say next, and it's rewarding when they really get better at writing!
6. I've been thinking a LOT about relationships and commitment and what I hope to find in the great search for love (whatever it is)...but these thoughts of today must be saved for continued contemplation in tomorrow...or else maybe tomorrow will have enough thoughts of its own and won't need today's...
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Go teach English in China. That would be an adventure. My summer in China was a wonderful experience and I feel it really made me more confident about my ability to be able to handle anything that comes my way. Plus China is an AMAZING place! LOTS of ancient history, cheap travel, VERY friendly people, and you don't have to speak Chinese to get hired as an English teacher. It would be an adventure. (I couldn't speak Chinese when I went three years ago. Now that I CAN speak Chinese I would like to return, but I have to convince my boyfriend that it's totally safe and no one is going to take him and sell him in the white slave trade. ;-) )
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