Life has shown me some things about myself and others; I have learned that some things that seem so certain often disappear without warning or seemingly without cause, and some things that seem temporary, like seasons in time, just remain and grow stronger with age. I always thought certain people would always stay in my life, but maybe it was that very direct certainty that was the thing that made it all come undone. I don't know...I think I've always seen relationships as future-oriented love, but my mistake has been in my tendency to see things as certain, instead of as having the [very human] potential to fail.
Now, my thoughts have changed over this very productive Thanksgiving holiday and I have learned some new things to be thankful for. I have changed immensely this past year. I think I grew up--scary thought--and suddenly entered this strange state of realization about what life really is not. (I believe I am still likewise unable to say what life is, though...) I see the things in life that are steady, the pillars that are more than mere signposts and truly are structural components that keep me standing. These structures that hold me secure are not the permanence of anything, not the fulfillment of dreams, not the little things in life that I take pleasure in, although they are truly connected. These pillars that hold me steady are people: my best friends.
There are codes in keeping with these friends of mine: specific codes for each friend and universal codes for all. I love each of my best friends with my whole heart (it's as though I have 5 whole hearts) and do not speak against them, or allow others to talk badly about them. Even when I am confused by my best friends actions or in disagreement with their decisions, I am behind them to support them against the world (although that is not meant to imply I didn't give them hell behind the scenes when no one was looking! What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't look out for them?) I want my best friends to be beside me all my life and I truly cannot imagine not having them to hold on to. This past year has been an example of the testing of bonds, in every quarter, and my best friends have come through it with me--stronger for the survival.My best friends have unique qualities that I love, and each one of them has some parts that are like mirror images of me: opposite in some senses, but identical in others. Even in our dissimilarities, we all have certain connections that make our bond secure. Each of them holds a piece of me and yet, because of their differences, I cannot imagine living without them as a whole. They make me stronger as myself, and they make the complicated concept of "me" make sense.
A tribute to my best friends; from oldest to newest (in order of our acquaintance, not in order of importance--not that I could ever assign an order of importance to these beloved individuals)
This is a public version of my annual Christmas letters.
Michelle Deane Cox, since D
ecember 30, 1986Michelle doesn't have a choice in the matter of best friendship. God made her born to the same parents for the sole purpose of giving me my first best friend. (In humor, I state truth.) Michelle and I fight (less often now that we're older, I guess) yet through our fights we have come to understand each other. (We're siblings; siblings fight. No explanations should be necessary.) It's funny because I have come to realize that Michelle and I achieve something that would be otherwise unachievable between other friends: we understand that we don't always understand and that brings us to an understanding--Michelle, do you understand? If so, you prove my point! We don't always know why the other does what she does, but we definitely know what the other is going to do...or at least in a small, vaguely foreboding way. We know and understand each others shortcomings from 23 years of living together--and living with two other people who are varying degrees of us--and we could not know the same knowing with any other friend, no matter how hard we tried. We speak the same language, and a unique one at that, one that often remains uninterpretable to our friends around us. Michelle is smart, talented, beautiful and successful and I'm proud that she's my sister and best friend. Her extreme loyalty throughout the troublesome year has been refreshing and has proven to me that I must always (continue to) do the same. I know that one day she will find the perfect guy who appreciates her for all of her "quirks and qualities," because as the doctor said when she was born, "She's a keeper!" (Or was that me he said it about...hmm, either way)
Disclaimer: Boyfriends who do harm may or may not be verbally abused as a result of this sisterhood...
Robin Lynn Wieringa-Jellema, since December, 1997
When Robin and I met, it was "friendship at first sight." This is often the case with close friends of mine, but with Robin, it was literally instantaneous. I think one or the other overheard some conversation
about the seventh grade obsession 'NSync, and the rest was history. Our friendship grew stronger in college years and later high school years, though we had always had a good time together. I think that our friendship has been put through minor tests several times, and we have always come through for each other. This past year has been the test of tests: we were both able to see what the other meant to us and whether the other would be there through tough times, including her living more than five hours away for the past two and a half years! I can still remember one afternoon in May where I felt like the whole world had collapsed at my feet. As I sat there sobbing by myself, feeling completely alone, the only coherent thought that went through my mind was, "Robin!" I remembered that I was in no way alone from all human contact, and I called her. No, she didn't make it all better, at least not right then, but once everything was all better I could easily look back and see her as one of the biggest components of making it better. She is always there to listen and she understands my heart when it comes to matters of great importance. I am so thankful that we have not only remained friends, but become stronger friends over the years. I know she is one of the friends that will always be there for me....And I'm about to be an aunt to a little Jellema baby!
Brian Patrick Brennan, since March, 2005
While thinking about Brian's role in my life today, I remembered the early days of our friendship when we used to fight a lot, and when we used to text each other long epistles on our cell phones. It's funny to think about how different we are--no longer texting as much, and definitely not fighting anymore--and yet how all the little tests of time have brought us closer together. We have had each others' backs on more than one occasion throughout our years of knowing each other (remember photocopying work schedules for me so I would know when I should be aware of possible sightings of "The Enemy"? Then there was no enemy, and now there is again, and still you're here.) Brian has been the most loyal friend and the most compassionate listening ear throughout so many difficulties, and he's one guy who, as I've said before, has never not been there. (Let the double negatives fly tonight!)
When I think of Brian, I can never forget the moment 10 gallons of cold water came down on his head (by surprise) at 5:30 one relaxing summer morning of a Home Depot day...
Kelly Ann Baker, since August 2005
I debated for many minutes whether Kelly or Carl came first in chronological order, and I realized that I began to know Kelly several weeks after Carl, but I initially met her 4 1/2 hours before Carl...so we will place people where they are due to be placed. (That was an awesome day, not that I think of it! Wow!)
Kelly Ann is my long-lost sister. When I met her, I was all grown up already, but I felt like she had somehow grown up in my house and I'd never seen her before. Perhaps it comes from love of the same things--literature, music, writing, all things nerdy--that made us become friends, but I don't know for sure. She just seemed to fit into this little niche all her own, somewhere in the middle of my family, like the missing sister that is me, Michelle and my mom all mixed up in one person. Kelly was the one who had my back during another great fallout in my life, and she and I were later almost split by another foolish catastrophe, but through many trials, we somehow remain strong and secure. Our friendship--sisterhood?--has mellowed out to become a calm understanding that we'll be there for each other. I am very thankful for Kelly, and I miss her terribly during the school year now that we are both so terribly busy. Kelly is a beautiful person, inside and out, and I am happy for her in her soon-to-be marriage. I have always hoped that she would find someone who appreciated all of her many quirks and qualities that I hold dear, and I am so glad that she has! To me, she is a wonderful woman who deserves and equally wonderful husband. (I approve of Tom.)
I miss our CD burning nights in which we accomplish no homework yet stay up until sunrise. Oh, and coloring princess coloring books instead of studying linguistics. Oh, and the wonderful moment when we discovered that our linguistic book was made in Boston because of the phonetic key! I miss Kelly who taught me to embrace my inner nerd...and make it my outer nerd!
Carl Walter Roach, since August 2005
I met Carl's 6 foot 6 and 3/4 inch self by sharing a desk with him on Andy Miller's (and my) first day at Purdue Cal. After class, we went out in the parking lot and talked for two hours. When I got home and my mom asked me how my first day of school was, I said it was awesome...oh and I met the male version of myself. Since the first day, I knew Carl and I were meant to be friends, but almost five years later I find him to have a lot higher friendship ranking than I originally imagined. He has literally proven himself to be the male version of "me"--literature lover that he is--and he complements me perfectly as an amazing friend. We recently discussed our friendship code--that no one comes between us...EVER...no further explanation necessary--and we will never again allow ourselves on near-friendship-ending grounds. (It is great to know that he has my back just like I have his!) I love everything about him--seriously, where did such a great guy come from? (I laughingly recall that I said he was just like me...ah, I amuse myself.) Our friendship has grown stronger and stronger, and somehow this past year has been the best yet. With a
ll the other shipwrecks of relationships and friendships around us, ours still stands in spite of the storms. It is my hope that Carl finds happiness in his life, because in spite of his emo tendencies (I don't mean that negatively. It is, after all, a common quality of the English major...) he does deserve it because he is a unique and wonderful person (I love all his 1,001 weirdnesses) and I am honored to be among his best friends. I might love him too much, I think. Seriously, isn't he adorable (and a tall something)? Ha. I also can't get over this picture...he's really been around a long time, it makes me feel a little old, but also really glad to know that he's still here.I can remember all of the fun times with Carl (and we have had many, such as me supposedly almost killing him in an ice storm, us almost sleeping on the floor in Gyte the morning of a big paper, and him spilling random beverages in inappropriate places on his clothing) but the more serious side of our friendship--more lately developed--has been a comfort to me this year and stands in a place of highest importance over even the fun memories.
For Thanksgiving this year, I am thankful to God for giving me all of the wonderful people he has given me to love and be loved by. No one will ever take you guys away from me! I love you.
You guys keep me standing and I couldn't ever be the same person without each of you.
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